Knowing when to turn to medical help

The short answer is, there is no right answer.

Some couples seek medical advice after a few months of trying, while others don’t believe in ever seeking medical fertility assistance.  Ultimately, you’ll need to make the decision for yourself.  Here’s our journey from natural to medical intervention to give you one version of how things went, and what we were thinking at the time.

When my husband and I started trying to have a baby, we had no idea how long it might take.  One of my sister’s had previously had trouble falling pregnant, so I knew it could take a while.  From what I’d read online, the definition of infertility is trying to conceive consistently without success for 1 year.  It suggested seeking medical help anytime from 6 months ttc (trying to conceive) onwards.

To me, those timeframes seemed really short.

Natural Support

After 12 months of trying, my partner and I both still believed it would happen naturally and I really didn’t consider either of us infertile.  I felt we were both young, healthy and really in no rush to start our family.  It felt right for us to keep trying on our own, and see what would happen.

Perhaps we were naïve?  I’m sure that even if we had met with a fertility doctor at this point, we wouldn’t have agreed to any interventions suggested.  We just weren’t ready.

Fast forward to going on 3 years of ttc, and I was starting to feeling pretty impatient. We weren’t ready for loads of drugs and operations, so we tried some natural alternatives.  We were both assessed by a naturopath, given supplements and kept on trying.

Medical Intervention

Six months later, I hit a wall.  My patience was gone.  I wanted IVF, like now.  We chose a clinic, met with a doctor, and rather than drag out the process with testing and less invasive options, we decided to go straight to IVF.  We wanted to bypass my tubes and all the other things that may or may not work.  Like I said, I was out of patience and only wanted to try something that had the highest possibility of working  on the first cycle.  I even tried to convince our doctor to transfer 2 embryos on the first attempt. Apparently, in Australia they won’t transfer 2 embryos for women under 37 on their first attempt.

We waited for 2 months to align my cycle and we were off on our first round of ivf.  Our first few rounds didn’t give us much to work with (more about this here) so after a couple years, we were ready for a second opinion.

When we met with the second clinic, we liked the doctor straight away and haven’t looked back.  This time we decided have all the blood tests and fertility tests we could, including a laproscopy, hysteroscopy, and biopsy for me.  There was nothing definitive that was preventing us from conceiving, though my ovaries were aging faster than I was.  Next we headed into more rounds of IVF (results in my journey).

Considering an Egg Donor

The next big decision we made with our fertility journey, didn’t come until we had completed a total of 4 rounds of IVF with declinging results each cycle.  I was terrified that I would have to accept our infertility and that we wouldn’t have a family, ever.  And what was even more terrifying was the idea of going through IVF rounds for another 5 years and getting nowhere.  The rollercoaster of emotions that comes with IVF takes its toll, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially.  The hormones, the waiting, the disappointment – I wasn’t sure how much more I could take without it taking over my life.  Then there was the question of when do we stop – at a certain age or a number of rounds?

This is when we learned about the possibly of using an egg donor to enable us to have a family.  Did I care than I’d have a baby that wasn’t my DNA and that wouldn’t look like me?  My husband and I discussed it, and a few hours later had decided that it wouldn’t matter to us if we used an egg donor if it meant that we got to have a family.  Instead of getting stuck in the drawbacks of egg donation, we were so relieved to have another path to follow.

I felt positive about our chances of having a family for the first time in a year.  We were ready for it, and intuitively it felt right for us.  We were hopeful.  Four months later we travelled overseas to create embryos with an anonymous egg donor. I had an embryo transfer and it was successful.  This was my first positive pregnancy test in 6 years of ttc.  It felt amazing, and it still does at 8 months pregnant.  Our process wasn’t easy but it got us to where we are right now, and for that I’m grateful.

I think the best decisions are those where you combine your head and your heart.

Let your brain process the information you have, and your heart draw you towards what feels right.  When you listen to both your head and heart, you’ll know what decision you need to make.  It doesn’t matter if you are 6 months into your fertility journey or 5 years.  And when something along the way doesn’t feel right, change it and try something else.  The timing and journey looks different for every women, and every couple. Create space, breathe, and support one another in this intense and overwhelming journey.  You will come out the other end.